Have you had the vague discomfort, small anger that comes from feeling intuitively that you are missing something big and important, that there has to be more than the day to day existence of frustrating and boring moments? Thomas Merton is one of my favorite writers. He’s gone through the crucible and come out into the colors on the other side.
When we live superficially … we are always outside ourselves, never quite ‘with’ ourselves, always divided and pulled in many directions … we find ourselves doing many things that we do not really want to do, saying things we do not really mean, needing things we do not really need, exhausting ourselves for what we secretly realize to be worthless and without meaning in our lives. —Thomas Merton
Thoughts in Solitude (Thomas Merton)
My Lord God,
I have no idea where I am going.
I do not see the road ahead of me.
I cannot know for certain where it will end.
Nor do I really know myself,
And the fact that I think
that I am following your will
Does not mean that I am actually doing so.
But I believe that the desire to please you
does in fact please you.
And I hope I have that desire
in all that I am doing.
I hope that I will never do anything
apart from that desire.
And I know that if I do this you will lead me
By the right road
though I may know nothing about it.
Therefore I will trust you always
though I may seem to be lost
And in the shadow of death.
I will not fear, for you are ever with me,
And you will never leave me to face my perils alone.